8 Ways To Distinguish Between Love And Infatuation

Everyone has mistaken infatuation for love. It’s nobody’s fault; they appear similar at the onset and might even make you think you’ve found “the one.” Distinguishing between love and infatuation takes a sincere inward look and careful consideration. Infatuation loses its grip with time, while love is eternal. Do you fear what you or the other person feels is anything but love? You’re not alone. Here are 8 ways to distinguish between love and infatuation.

1. All of a Sudden

A member of the opposite sex can suddenly catch your fancy. With the excitement, you may even get their contact if you’re a good player. But chances are you may never call back once you leave. What attracted you then? Their captivating looks, perceived status, and sense of accomplishment. For what it’s worth, you were overwhelmed with the idea of being in love with what you saw. In such a situation, love would have calmed you down. Collecting their contact information would have been done because you cared to know their values, ambitions, and goals and possibly build a life together. The former was infatuation; the latter would be love.

2. Object of Attraction

Love and infatuation attract, but their objects of attraction are different. While love sees the qualities that make a person unique, infatuation assumes an idea about the person. These qualities are problem-solving, organization, self-control, and many more. The idea may be: “Oh my gosh! A person dressed like that surely has a swimming pool!” So, you want him because it elevates your social status. Sometimes, those assumptions may be wrong; if by chance they are true, you end up loving their accomplishments or status and not because you know the person.

3. Time Will Tell

Between love and infatuation, time is the revealer of intent. Infatuation takes off from an emotionally overwhelming standpoint. It may surge for days or weeks, if you’re lucky, for years. The fact is, everything from the onset was going downhill because it wasn’t real. But love thrives with time. Love may begin as a mutual interest to know each other, accompanied by a deeper level of communication. Both parties then discover the real person they’re involved with, their graces and flaws, but decide to stick together forever. Unless there’s a betrayal of trust, love is eternal.

4. Shallow Communication

One of the ways to distinguish between love and infatuation is the quality of communication backing the relationship. When infatuation sets in, obsession takes over, and initiating and holding a meaningful discussion becomes impossible. All they care about is feelings. It’s always about them and their feelings—no one else. Sometimes, they intentionally avoid deep communication, not to be seen for who they are. On the other hand, love craves mutual bonds. When love talks, it’s about the future and how to achieve it. Love begins from the known (interest) to the unknown (positives).

5. Infatuation is Lose-Lose

Infatuation appears peaceful on the surface, but the reinforcement is vengeful. When there’s a breakup in an infatuated relationship (as it should), the infatuated person starts considering possibilities to get revenge. Some people contemplate charming their ex back. Others couldn’t help it, so they blackmailed. While love wishes the other person well even after a breakup, infatuation wishes them pain.

6. Too Many Promises and Dreams Already

How you’ll know true love over infatuation is that infatuation is an eagerness to escalate towards self-gratification. It’s disguised in superficial (fake) commitments and promises. A barely two-week-old relationship is painted with “I can’t wait to bear your kids” chats (seriously? You barely know each other!). Such a union usually ends on the jury’s table filing for divorce. Loving the idea of falling in love isn’t love; it’s just an idea. Love looks past the idea of being in love to getting to know the person involved. Knowing the significant other intimately takes time, so wait for it.

7. Why Are You Jealous?

Last week, Jake finally talked to Florence and got her contact information; he had played that scene a thousand times in his head. Two weeks into dating, Jake was so much in love with Florence (unknown to her). One day, Jake walked in on Florence smiling with a colleague. Jake was sad, but as a reserved person, he quietly walked by, refusing to return her greeting. When Florence asked, he replied, “I’m jealous of how he makes you smile.” Surprised, she asked, “Why are you jealous? We’re not even in a relationship to begin with.” The foundation of your relationship isn’t solid, but trust and understanding are already lacking. As if those weren’t enough, you easily get jealous. Why are you jealous? You knew everything you had going on wasn’t real and that you could be replaced, and you consented to suspicion, resentment, and even hostility. Love isn’t insecure about being replaced and doesn’t get jealous of who met whom. Love is pure.

8. You Knew All Along

This weird impression inside us suspects the end of a thing before it begins. That’s why you’ll hear someone saying, “I knew something was fishy all along.” Some call it a “gut feeling.” Whatever that is, you knew all along it wasn’t love. You were just delusional and couldn’t tell yourself the truth. Let’s run a litmus test: Do you see the qualities of a life partner in the person you’re drooling over? If you aren’t sure what your answer is, check your object of attraction. You’ll never be sure if it’s mere infatuation; you’ll always feel something is missing. Hence, the hunt for a replacement.

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